10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Starting a Relationship
We have finally decided to take the plunge. Move from a casual relationship to a committed relationship. From being single to not so single anymore.
But this change in my relationship status is giving me jitters. My mind is racing. I have many questions. Will this be successful? Is he/she the right one for me? Breaking down a complex problem can help find a solution faster. To help overcome my dilemma, I have jotted down a few questions below.
Questions to be answered as an individual
The most important question is – What is a relationship?
We need to answer this for ourselves. How can we work on something which we do not understand well? A relationship is a connection or an association between two people. It can be a blood relationship or relationship between two people by marriage or an emotional relationship based on love.
Here we are discussing an emotional/romantic relationship between two people. Relationships are a fundamental human need. It is our inherent nature to form a bond of love. A relationship makes us happy. It also provides us with a sense of security.
What is it that I want out of this relationship?
Some seek love and emotional security. Some seek financial stability. It can also be both. I want to be with someone who can provide me with emotional and financial support. I am financially independent. I would also like my partner to be financially independent.
This brings in a sense of equality without burdening my partner. Others may wish for an attractive partner whose financial situation is unimportant. Hence, we need to know what we are looking for in the relationship and if that need is met.
Am I ready for a relationship?
When two people are in a relationship, it needs honest and open communication. We should be able to share our expectations and know theirs too. This is essential for the relationship to work. We need to make time for difficult conversations.
When two people come together, friction is natural. Nobody is perfect. It is easy to get angry about the small mistakes of the partner but one needs patience and understanding to work towards them.
We need to give time to our partners. We also give time to ourselves to adjust to the other person. It is natural to have different opinions and different choices. But is that reason enough for us to part ways? On this journey together, we need a lot of sacrifice and compromise. Are we willing to do it?
Questions to be answered as a couple
Do we love each other?
Relationships and love go hand in hand. Love is much deeper than sweet romantic words and fiery sexual passion. It means accepting the other person with their flaws.
We have to help bring out the best in each other. Conquer our shortcomings together. We need to inspire each other to be better people. It is not a short-timed fascination. It is a long-term commitment.
What is the foundation of a great relationship?
Love is not enough. Trusting one another, respecting each other even when angry, being honest and transparent and having open communication are the foundations of a successful relationship. Not just our words but also our actions need to show the same.
Considering each other equals, respecting each other’s independence, and giving them their space is essential. It is not just important to give respect but also to receive it. Am I being reciprocated the same? Can I make my own decisions? Am I respected and trusted? Do we handle conflicts with respect and maturity? All these questions need answers.
Are we friends?
The Department of Psychology at Michigan State University conducted a study on relationships and happiness. The study found that people feel a greater sense of positivity and meaning when in the company of their friends and romantic partners.
People have a higher level of well-being when they spend time with their friends. It emphasizes the need for friendship in any relationship. We need to be able to share our feelings, thoughts and future and financial plans with our partners.
We also need to be good listeners and pay attention. Respect boundaries and keep the partner’s views in mind for important decisions. It helps us plan our lives and achieve our goals together. This makes our world complete. It improves our bonding. It also helps us spend quality time. A good friendship helps us know each other well. We understand each other. This can thus provide for each other in a better way.
Are we attracted to each other?
Physical attraction is essential to a good sex life. Great sexual chemistry leads to physical and emotional satisfaction. It makes our bond stronger. It also increases overall happiness.
Research has proven that being sexually active, having frequent sex and having better sexual quality improves mental health and emotional well-being. Thus, choosing the right partner is not just finding someone who makes the right social fit, but also fits our other needs as well.
Do we trust each other? Can we rely on each other in times of need?
I need to be able to trust my partner and feel secure. Feeling suspicious and wondering if the partner is cheating on us can play havoc on our minds. Trust builds over time. It can break easily. Once broken is hard to regain. We should be able to share our private information and feelings with our partners without fear.
Having a reliable partner in our difficult times is a blessing. Someone we can call on a bad day or depend on in times of need. Someone who will listen to our worries and problems without judging us. We both need to be trustworthy and reliable.
Is this relationship a priority to both?
Balancing work, family, relationships, and personal self can be challenging. Some of us have demanding jobs. Some are more engrossed in their hobbies like playing a sport. It takes away most of our time.
But we have to make an effort to spend time with each other. It is not about just spending time, but spending quality time. We must spend time together in an activity with both enjoy.
In a relationship, we need to prioritize our partner. Work is important, and so is our relationship. Not making time will only make us miss the special moments and draw a distance between us. If the partner is in trouble, do we move around our schedule to make time to do the needful?
Does the relationship make you feel good about yourself?
A good relationship makes us happier and more confident. The partner boosts our confidence with their positive feedback. It helps us improve our work. We become better people. When we feel good about ourselves, we do better in our relationships. We feel free to follow our hearts. We are not scared to make our own choices.
A relationship is a lot deeper and more complex than these ten questions. Each one of us is in a different and unique situation. No one can tell us what’s best for us. We know what’s best for us. All we need to do is be more attentive and intuitive. Know yourself first to know the other person better.
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